You’re Pushing Love Away And Here’s Why

Some traits and attitudes may repel true love away from an individual who is ready for an intimate relationship. But how about the heartbroken one?

Most often people who have ever been hurt or heartbroken erupt walls of protection in the face of similar reoccurrences.

Unfortunately, a lot has changed so much in our time, that even without a reason we’ve been conditioned to protect ourselves from emotional pain, without even realising that the same walls we build for protection also keep love out.

We rather dwell on our past hurts; betrayal, heartbreak, disappointments, our fear of rejection, our insecurities and cultural and social conditioning from our upbringing than our future serenity.

If you’ve heard someone say, “I don’t do emotions,” or “I’m just not a vulnerable person,” they are often revealing their defence mechanisms, not personality traits. But that’s not healthy. You cannot welcome love with fear.

Fortunately, not all men and women are the same. Also, please stop stereotyping yourself as unlucky with love. Those two concepts cannot cohabitate. If you have ever been unlucky in a relationship, love was not the problem, the person you met was, his character was the problem or her commitment was the problem. 

I believe love is always sacrificial, risky and costly but even more so with the wrong person. Whichever way, the only way to be loved and to love if you have been broken is to break the walls because keeping those walls up is only draining you.

These are walls with the potential to wreck the seed of love. The only way out is to bring those walls crumbling down and allow yourself to be loved. If fear is what holds you back, then the solution is clear: you must give love a chance and intentionally open up.

If you want deeper intimacy, you have to let yourself be seen. You can’t experience true love while keeping your heart behind a fortress. Yes, there’s a risk but the risk of staying closed off is far greater.

Whether he or she is the wrong or right guy, you’ll never know behind those walls. So start one conversation this week where you share something real about yourself. 

Observe how it changes the depth of your connection. Listen to how they respond, is the individual responding mutually, is he or she engaging vulnerably with you in the conversation?

If so, you can take another step further, please do, because the walls you thought were insurmountable are coming down by this action! Who knows, by opening up, you may also be opening other closed doors in your life. 

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