How Triggers Can Spice Up Intimacy

Growing up in a large compound house, I witnessed my fair share of domestic disputes. Couples would exchange heated words, some escalating into full-blown fights. 

I remember seeing a woman so angry, chasing her husband out of the apartment with a pestle. I had barely stepped out of my flat before I ran right back inside.

Surprisingly, many of these altercations were not over earth-shattering betrayals but trivial misunderstandings that spiralled out of control. 

Often, it wasn’t the issue itself that caused the real damage but the trigger, a sharp comment, a dismissive tone, or an unconscious jab at an old wound.

Take, for instance, a husband coming home to find his supper unprepared. The real issue may not be the food but his reaction: “What do you even do all day?” Instead of expressing disappointment constructively, he unknowingly presses a sensitive nerve, turning a simple situation into an emotional battlefield.

But here’s the irony, some couples have mastered the art of turning conflict into intimacy. Even though less heard of, it can be done if emotions are well controlled during misunderstandings. 

You’ve probably heard stories of partners who pick fights just for the intense make-up sessions that follow. It may sound odd, but science backs it up, heightened emotions, whether from anger or passion, can fuel attraction.

Every couple has triggers. They could be words, actions, or behaviours that instantly spark frustration or spark affection. During conflict or disagreement, couples can utilise the right triggers as an opportunity to mitigate the issue and strengthen connection.

So instead of lashing out in the heat of the moment, you can take a step back and use humour, for example, to diffuse tension. This is something that worked for me whenever my mom scolded me as a young girl; a well-timed joke or a playful remark and that was the end of her anger.

If you do something wrong that gets your partner fumed upon being told, you could easily redirect your husband’s anger into a smile with a simple and nice response. Although this cannot apply to all situations, especially in extreme cases, it could be applied to minor domestic issues to prevent the excesses.

Passion tends to run high after intense conversations. Instead of dwelling on frustration, let physical closeness bridge the gap. Apologize sincerely, offer a hug, or even a kiss, and communicate honestly about your feelings.

Sometimes, fights aren’t about the surface issue but deeper emotional needs. However, not every disagreement needs to end in distance and resentment. 

Don’t lose yourself, don’t lose your peace. Be in control of your emotions, and be aware of the trends of your relationship. Know the right trigger to use during misunderstandings, and when to even use it, and you will never have to quarrel, argue or fight with your partner.

And here’s a little bonus, when you handle conflicts wisely, intimacy isn’t the only thing you might gain. You just might receive gifts, special treatment, or even extra cash (yes, I said it!), and this isn’t just for the ladies!

So please, handle marital conflict wisely, because they have the potential to deepen your marital intimacy and strengthen your bonds. Instead of letting triggers push you apart, use them to fuel understanding, connection, and even passion.

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