There was a man in a small community who had become known for one thing: whenever somebody needed help, somehow, his name came up. A neighbour needed school fees; he contributed. A friend was stranded; he sent money. A relative needed rent; he found something. What people rarely saw was what happened after the giving. It was that, after years of giving, people had begun to interpret his limitation as a failure of character.
That story taught me that generosity can become complicated when people begin to identify me by what I can provide. At first, giving feels beautiful. I have something; someone has a need; I respond. But repeated generosity can create an expectation that I will always have something to give. Eventually, I may begin measuring my goodness by how much I sacrifice. I may even feel guilty when I buy something for myself while someone else is struggling.
Still thinking about the man’s situation, I realised that generosity without boundaries can eventually produce resentment. We sometimes keep saying yes while quietly wishing people would stop asking. We may give money we cannot comfortably afford and later complain that nobody considers our needs. I may offer my time when I desperately need rest and then become frustrated that people do not appreciate the sacrifice.
I have grown to understand that the problem is not necessarily that others are ungrateful. Sometimes, we fail to communicate our limits. And we end up giving people access to a version of us that we cannot sustainably maintain. A boundary we never clearly communicate early can eventually become resentment we unfairly expect others to understand.
This does not mean I should become calculating every time I give. There are moments when love requires sacrifice. Some needs are urgent. Some situations genuinely demand that I inconvenience myself for someone else’s sake. Goodwill would lose something beautiful if I became so protective of my comfort that I stopped responding to genuine need.
However, sacrifice and self-neglect are not the same thing. There is a clear distinction. Sacrifice is a conscious choice to surrender something meaningful for a worthwhile reason. Self-neglect is repeatedly abandoning legitimate needs until I am depleted. One can be an expression of love; the other can eventually make love difficult to sustain.
My faith also challenges me to think about giving differently. Jesus taught generosity, but He did not teach me that I must destroy myself to prove that I love people. Scripture says, “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:31). There is something important in that final phrase: as yourself. It assumes that caring for another person does not require me to regard myself as worthless. I am called to love others, but I am also included in the command to love.
I am also learning that sustainable generosity is often more powerful than dramatic generosity. Instead of giving away everything I have today and struggling tomorrow, I can decide what portion of my resources I can consistently dedicate to helping others. I can create a giving budget. I can support causes collectively with other people. I can also volunteer my skills or time instead of always giving money.
So I am leaving myself with a simple reminder: I do not have to destroy myself to prove that I care. There will always be another need, another request and another person whose situation could benefit from what I possess. I cannot meet them all. My responsibility is not to become everyone’s provider but to become a faithful steward of what has been entrusted to me.
Sometimes that will mean giving generously. Sometimes it will mean giving wisely. Sometimes it will mean sharing the burden with others. And sometimes it will mean protecting what I legitimately need so that I can continue doing good tomorrow. Goodwill should not leave me empty and bitter. It should help me become someone who can keep giving without losing myself in the process.
Ready to turn goodwill into action?
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