How To Separate Emotions from Reality

Kwame stared at his phone, his heart was pounding. Ama had read his message hours ago, but there was no reply. His mind raced: “She’s losing interest. Maybe she’s talking to someone else. Maybe I shouldn’t have texted at all,” he thought to himself. 

Frustration bubbled inside him, and before he could stop himself, he typed, “If you don’t want to talk, just say it.” He hit send. Five minutes later, she replied: “Hey, sorry for the delay. I was in a meeting and just got free.” The embarrassment hit him like a wave. He had overreacted again.

This is what happens when we confuse emotions with facts. Feelings are real, but they don’t always reflect reality. Just because you feel ignored doesn’t mean someone is ignoring you. Just because you feel like a failure doesn’t mean you are. 

The mind plays tricks, feeding off insecurities, past experiences, and assumptions, making us react to a version of reality that isn’t even true.

Psychologists call this ‘emotional reasoning’: the belief that if you feel something strongly, it must be true. It’s what makes a small delay in response feel like rejection, or a change in someone’s tone feel like betrayal. 

The problem? Feelings are influenced by mood, past trauma, and personal insecurities, making them unreliable as absolute truth. When you let emotions dictate your actions, you often end up creating problems that didn’t exist in the first place.

So how do you separate emotions from reality? Like always, first, pause before reacting. Strong emotions demand immediate action, but most emotional reactions are based on assumptions, not facts. 

Give yourself time to process before jumping to conclusions. A simple deep breath can be the difference between sending a reckless message and thinking things through.

Second, ask yourself: What else could be true? Instead of assuming the worst, explore alternative explanations. Maybe your friend didn’t respond because they were busy, not because they were mad. Maybe your partner’s short replies mean they’re tired, not that they’re losing feelings. The mind loves to create the worst-case scenario, but reality is often far less dramatic.

Third, check the evidence. If you feel like you’re failing, list the things you’ve accomplished. If you feel like no one cares, think about the people who have shown up for you. Emotions can distort perception, but facts bring clarity. Challenge your thoughts: Is this a fact, or just how I feel?

Lastly, communicate instead of assuming. Instead of lashing out at Ama, Kwame could have simply asked, “Hey, you okay? Haven’t heard from you in a while.” This invites clarity rather than conflict. Many misunderstandings arise not because of reality, but because we act on emotions instead of seeking the truth.

Never forget this, feelings can be misleading, but facts don’t lie. The more you master this, the fewer regrets you’ll have, and the more peace you’ll find.

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