The Idea of You

There’s something painfully familiar about gripping tightly to something that no longer holds us, whether it’s a person, a relationship, a memory, or even an idea of what could have been. 

We tell ourselves that maybe, just maybe, things will change, that if we hold on long enough, fight hard enough, or love deeply enough, it will all make sense again. 

But deep down, we know the truth, the energy is no longer mutual, the affection has faded, and yet, we can’t seem to let go.

Unfortunately, some people hold on because they associate love with struggle, believing that effort alone can restore what’s broken. 

Others cling because of fear of starting over, fear of facing loneliness, or fear of admitting that they placed their heart in the wrong hands. And then there’s nostalgia, the deception of convincing ourselves that the past was better than it was.

Perhaps you are in a relationship that has long lost its warmth, but every time you think of leaving, you remember the laughter you shared, the late-night talks, and the dreams you’ve built together. 

What you don’t realize is that you are not holding on to a person, you are rather holding on to the version of them that once made you feel alive and the idea of love that isn’t real. And so, you stay, despite the lack of reciprocity, despite the emotional exhaustion, despite knowing you deserve better.

If you are a victim, you need to apply emotional intelligence here, because it plays a crucial role in resolving such a situation. Yes, it isn’t easy, but not as difficult as enduring the pain. 

How about working on your self-awareness and self-regulation, to begin with? It is important that you recognise that love should not feel like a constant battle for validation. Also importantly, attachment should not come at the cost of your peace. So, accept the situation for what it is, not as rejection, but as redirection and pursue freedom.

This does not mean forgetting all those memories but about reclaiming. It’s about accepting that closure may never come the way you want it to. It’s about realizing that love should not have to be begged for, and affection should not feel like an unpaid debt. 

The first step? Acknowledge your emotions without letting them dictate your actions. Create space for healing, whether that means setting firm boundaries, cutting off contact, or rediscovering yourself outside of what you lost. 

And above all, remind yourself that letting go is not weakness, it’s making room for something better, because the freedom you seek isn’t in the past you’re clinging to, it’s in the future, waiting for you to move forward.

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Have you ever struggled to let go of someone or something, even when you knew it wasn’t serving you anymore? What made you hold on, and what eventually helped you move on?

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