I Can’t Be Myself Around Them

There’s a strange silence that creeps in within you the moment you’re about to walk into that room. You rehearse your smile, your words, even your tone. 

You adjust your clothes even if nothing’s out of place. Actually, in your mind, it’s not vanity, it’s survival. You’re just trying to make sure you’re accepted. Because, for some reason, being yourself doesn’t feel safe in certain rooms.

This is social, it’s the small, unnoticed acts of hiding, of holding back your opinions in a group conversation, laughing when you don’t get the joke, or avoiding eye contact so you won’t have to say anything at all. 

It can feel like standing outside a glass window of your own life, watching others connect, while you struggle to even breathe naturally around them. You want to be seen, but not too much. Heard, but not exposed. Present, but never vulnerable.

Perhaps it started in your early interactions, where a joke made at your expense, a classroom embarrassment, or a harsh parental comment became the seed of self-doubt. 

Over time, you’ve internalised these moments and they’ve evolved into a script. We become versions of ourselves that fit others’ expectations. And the saddest part? Sometimes, we wear them so long, we forget what being real even feels like.

But the truth is, social spaces are not always the problem. It’s the inner narrative we carry into those spaces. The self-judgment. The fear of rejection. The mental comparisons. 

A person can be surrounded by love and still feel isolated if their self-acceptance is missing. And that’s where emotional work begins, not by forcing ourselves to perform, but by choosing, bit by bit, to heal what makes us hide.

Think of someone you trust, someone around whom your laughter is real, your silence is safe, and your quirks are accepted. That’s your baseline. That’s what safety looks like. 

The goal isn’t to be “on” in every room, it’s to be whole wherever you are. Growth happens when we stop shrinking ourselves to make others comfortable. When we learn to sit with discomfort and remind ourselves: I am enough even here.

Building confidence in social settings is a process. It involves practising presence without pressure, setting boundaries that protect your peace, and intentionally engaging with people who value authenticity over perfection. 

The more we show up as our real selves, even when our voice shakes, the more we attract people who are safe, and the more we give permission for others to do the same.

To everyone who’s ever thought, you can’t be myself around them, maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe it’s the room. Or maybe it’s the part of you still trying to earn love instead of just receiving it. Whichever it is, you deserve spaces that see you, not just tolerate you. And your healing begins when you start creating those spaces within and around you.

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Why do some compliments make us feel exposed or uncomfortable instead of celebrated?

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