If You Love Me

Love is meant to be a haven where trust, respect, and intimacy thrive. But what happens when love is weaponized? When “If you love me, you will do it” becomes a tool for manipulation rather than an expression of genuine affection?

I recently heard a heart-wrenching story of a young woman who lost her dignity, health, and self-worth to the demands of her husband. For years, he pressured her into anal sex, something she persistently refused. 

But over time, his relentless persuasion broke her down. She gave in, hoping it would bring peace to their marriage. Instead, it led to years of medical complications, multiple surgeries, and a life confined to wearing adult diapers.

Many people, in the name of love, have been pushed into actions that compromise their well-being; physically, emotionally, or financially. This is because manipulation in relationships doesn’t always come in the form of physical coercion. Sometimes, it disguises itself as emotional blackmail. 

Consider the story of a woman who was deceived by her husband into taking a huge bank loan. He convinced her that it was to revive his struggling business. She resisted multiple times, sensing the risk, but he kept baiting her: “If you love me, you will do it.” Out of love and trust, she agreed, only to later discover that he had used the entire sum for betting.

These stories expose a dangerous trend; people being manipulated into harmful actions under the guise of proving their love. But here’s the truth: love should never demand that you compromise your values, well-being, or future. 

Anything that destroys you is not love. Renowned relationship experts agree that true intimacy flourishes where there is mutual respect and consideration. 

Love that requires you to lose yourself is not love, it’s control disguised as affection. Experts say that the strongest couples are those who validate each other’s boundaries, not those who force compliance. 

Even though not every request from a partner is manipulative, yet when “love” is used to pressure someone into discomfort, pain, or self-destruction, it’s a red flag. Healthy relationships encourage open conversations where both partners feel safe saying “no” without guilt or fear of abandonment. 

Love should uplift, not diminish. Any request that makes you feel trapped or uncomfortable is worth questioning. If something doesn’t sit right with you, don’t ignore that feeling. Your instincts are often your first line of defence.

A loving partner will respect your “no” and not persistently push you into something you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you feel pressured or manipulated, please don’t keep it to yourself, not everyone survives such manipulative situations.  Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor to provide you with clarity. 

Notably, recognising toxic patterns early can save you from long-term emotional damage. If “If you love me” is constantly used to make you do things against your will, that’s a form of emotional abuse.

Love should be a safe space where you can be your true self without fear of manipulation. When intimacy is built on coercion, it ceases to be intimacy at all. 

Don’t let anyone convince you that love requires losing yourself. Instead, choose relationships where your well-being is a priority, where boundaries are honoured, and where intimacy is nurtured through mutual respect, not pressure. Because real love never demands destruction, it builds, it protects, and it nurtures.

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