Private Battles, Public Shame

A key marker of a strong and intimate relationship is the ability to mend what’s broken together. But in today’s society, it seems like privacy in relationships is becoming a thing of the past. 

Everywhere we turn, couples are airing their dirty linen on social media, on radio and TV shows, and even in conversations with so-called accountability partners who become judges over their union.

Instead of handling conflicts privately and respectfully, people now seek public validation, sympathy, or even revenge, forgetting that intimacy thrives on trust and discretion. But here’s the hard truth, the more you expose your relationship problems to outsiders, the weaker your bond becomes.

We live in a time where emotions are put on display for likes and comments. Many feel justified in sharing their pain publicly because they claim they need advice. 

But let’s be honest, most of these platforms thrive on drama, not solutions. The moment you allow the court of public opinion into your marriage, you risk losing the foundation of trust and respect that holds it together.

Social media has made people believe that every emotion must be broadcast. But relationships aren’t reality shows. The more private your relationship, the stronger it becomes.

To top it all, recent TV and radio shows that mediate relationship issues have done more bad than good. Even though they seem helpful, many are built on viewership, not genuine healing. The more dramatic the problem, the more engaging the content is at your expense.

Instead of resorting to such public scrutiny why don’t you rather honour each other‘s integrity in public and private by resorting to more appropriate means? Disagreements happen, but the world doesn’t need front-row seats to your battles, and neither do your friends have to be VIPs in your relationship or marriage. 

Protect your partner’s dignity even when you’re upset. If you must seek advice, go to someone mature, experienced, and discrete. Not everyone should have a say in your relationship. Don’t vent to outsiders, sit with your partner and have difficult conversations. Every problem has a solution when two committed people work at it.

I recall a story I heard some time ago. Two longtime friends sat in a deep conversation, catching up on life, family, and everything in between. As they shared their thoughts, one of them casually brought up a marital issue she had heard from another friend.

As she continued, the other friend’s heart pounded in her chest. Every detail sounded eerily familiar, just too familiar. She felt a wave of unease but tried to remain composed. Then she asked carefully, “Who told you about this?”

Her friend hesitated for a moment before mentioning a name. And in that instant, everything clicked. The very person she had confided in, the one she had trusted with her deepest struggles, had betrayed her trust.

Disappointment and hurt washed over her. She had shared her pain in confidence, hoping for support and understanding, but instead, her story had become gossip, a tale passed from one mouth to another like casual entertainment.

She forced a smile, nodding as if unaffected, but inside, she felt exposed, vulnerable and angry.

Private matters, once shared recklessly, no longer remain within our grasp. They become whispers in rooms we’ve never entered, judgments formed by people who do not know our hearts, and lessons used by others to mock rather than heal.

Hope you never forget this, “Anyone who washes their dirty linen in public invites the wind to scatter it where they cannot control.”

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