Spiritual and Romantic (I)

In many African homes, faith plays a crucial role in shaping the values and tenets of marriage. Men and women alike, look up to their spiritual leaders for guidance, prayers, directions and counselling amongst others. 

However, a growing concern is how some women, in their deep reverence for pastors, unintentionally create tension in their marriages.

There are stories of women who keep a special set of plates and cutlery just for their pastor’s visits, plates their husbands never get to use. Others seek pastoral counsel for every issue in their marriage, revealing intimate details their spouses would rather keep private. Some even refuse to make decisions unless they first hear from their spiritual leader.

Reverencing men of God is not wrong. Honouring spiritual leadership is biblical. The problem arises when this reverence overshadows the authority of one’s husband or disrupts the intimacy in marriage.

A husband should be a wife’s closest confidant, not her pastor. When a woman shares all her secrets, struggles, and decisions with her pastor instead of her husband, emotional distance forms between her and her spouse. Then, the man begins to feel replaced, unneeded, or even disrespected.

Your spouse is your first ministry, before serving anyone else, your first duty is to your family. Love, respect, and partnership should not be sacrificed in the name of religion. Spirituality should empower, not enslave. 

Some women become so reliant on pastoral opinions, that they struggle to make decisions within their relationships. They end up ignoring their husband’s perspective all the time simply because “Pastor said this…” What about what your husband has to say? 

Marriage thrives on mutual respect. When a husband feels secondary to a pastor in his own home, frustration and resentment set in, and create a barrier to the intimacy you share, both emotionally and physically. 

Never forget, your pastor is a guide, his role is to shepherd the congregation. He is not the head of your marriage, your husband is. So go ahead and seek counsel from your pastor, but when it has to do with the home and your marriage, your husband is the decision maker. At all times, the final say in marriage should come from mutual understanding between you and your husband.

If spirituality is central in your life, then grow spiritually together. Pray together, study scripture, and make faith a unifying force rather than a divisive one.

Dear wife, honour your pastor but not at the expense of your husband. Pursue spirituality but not at the expense of your marital intimacy. Remember, long before the church came into existence, marriage was. The first man and woman that existed were a husband and wife not a pastor and a soul. 

Honour the sanctity of marriage. Build and preserve your intimacy. You can serve God and be married well. No matter what, your spouse should never compete with the church or your pastor for attention. 

Please, don’t be submissive at church and rebellious at home. Don’t look good for church and shabby for your husband. Be a romantic Christian who knows how well to make her husband feel like a king during intimacy, conversations, service and other equally important agencies.

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