The Kind of Intimacy You’re Missing And How to Get It

Many of us crave intimacy, yet we unknowingly sabotage it by focusing on the wrong things. Intimacy, however, is much more than the obvious.

You might have a romantic partner, close friends, or a supportive family, and still feel an unspoken gap like something is missing, that’s because we often assume that intimacy is only about romance or physical closeness.

Being intimate, however, is about feeling truly known and being deeply connected either emotionally, spiritually, intellectually or physically. Genesis 4:1 says “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived…” Genesis‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬ ‭KJV‬‬. In other words, Adam was physically intimate with Eve and she conceived.

It is evident therefore, that intimacy is an in-depth knowledge and connection to someone or something, having several mediums of expression. Therefore, to cultivate what is most suitable for you and your partner or loved ones, you need to know exactly what kind of intimacy you are missing out on in your relationship.

The first to be discussed is emotional intimacy. It is the depth of connection where you feel safe to express your thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. It’s the friend who just gets you, the spouse who listens beyond your words, or the sibling you can share your unfiltered self with.

Unfortunately, many relationships lack this kind of intimacy because we avoid vulnerability out of fear of being judged, we keep conversations shallow to avoid conflict and we fail to create safe spaces for deep sharing.

To build emotional intimacy, however, we need to be intentional about deep conversations. Ask your loved one how they are feeling, not just what they are doing. Create a judgment-free zone where emotions can be expressed freely while you listen without trying to fix everything. I believe sometimes, that people just need to be heard.

Now, have you ever had a conversation so deep and stimulating that you lost track of time? That’s what intellectual intimacy feels like. It happens when two people challenge each other’s thinking, exchange ideas, and grow together intellectually. Without it, relationships can feel dull and uninspiring and may lead to emotional disconnection. 

Actually, there are some men and women who feel more intimate with their partners in intellectual conversations such as political and business discussions.

To reach this kind of intimacy with your partner or friend, you need to prioritise reading, learning, and sharing of new ideas together. You need to engage in meaningful debates where both sides feel heard or even ask questions that provoke thought, not just small talk.

Another form of intimacy which is often overlooked is spiritual intimacy, yet, it’s the kind that brings the deepest fulfillment. It’s when two people connect over shared values, faith, and purpose or when an individual connects so deeply with God in fellowship. This type of intimacy strengthens relationships at a core level.

To attain such intimacy with any individual, it is required that you often pray together or share spiritual experiences. Have discussions about faith, life purpose, and growth and encourage each other in moments of doubt or difficulty.

The final form of intimacy is the most popular amongst them, known as physical intimacy which includes both sexual and platonic activities. So, it is not just about romance. It includes the non-sexual forms of touch that build connection, a reassuring hug, a pat on the back, or just holding hands. These activities also are crucial to strengthening relationships and deepening emotional bonds.

Unfortunately, most partners miss out on such intimacy because they are always in a hurry to respond to the strong internal stimulus within their genitals. Once that becomes the only priority, you miss a deeper connection or bond with your partner.

To avoid this, you need to express love through intentional and appropriate non-sexual touches and be mindful of what makes others feel comfortable and respected. By this, you are highlighting the power of physical presence.

Note, that intimacy isn’t automatic, it must be built, protected, and prioritized. So, if you ever feel disconnected from the people around you, ask yourself: What type of intimacy am I missing? 

Do not focus on just one aspect of intimacy and neglect the others. Nurture all four types of intimacy by fostering meaningful conversations, being present, and choosing vulnerability over surface-level interactions.

No Copyright infringement intended.