Growing up, I watched one Mr. Essien sat quietly in his car after a long day. He was always staring at his phone. It was one call after another. All the callers needed help from him. From a friend who needed money to a relative asking for help with a hospital bill, name it. I never for once heard anyone calling to check on him.
I saw the man shake his head often in bewilderment as he answered the calls. One time he said, “We live in a world where you are only needed when you have what is needed.” He continued his lamentations, “God, did I come to this world to solve everyone’s problems except mine?” What few people knew was that he had no one to call when his own problems arrived.
I watched him suffer in silence while attending to everyone that called on him. He could find money for others but struggled to meet some of his own needs. He could encourage everyone else while carrying worries he rarely discussed. Eventually, he stopped answering his phone. He had become exhausted from being everyone’s solution.
This man’s ordeal revealed how humans naturally praise people for being dependable while turning their dependability into a requirement. The moment someone consistently helps, people begin to assume they will always help. Yesterday’s generosity became today’s expectation. A favour becomes a pattern, and the pattern becomes an identity.
What I realised from Mr. Essien’s situation is that sometimes, we indirectly train people to expect too much from us because we rarely communicate our limits. We say yes when we mean no because we are afraid of disappointing others. We solve problems that other people could have learned to solve themselves. We respond immediately because we enjoy being needed. We take pride in being dependable and then become frustrated when people depend on us. Sometimes, the burden we complain about is partly a boundary we never established.
One thing I have come to know is that need has a way of searching for the person who has helped before. If I have been reliable, people will naturally remember me when difficulty comes. Someone may call me because he genuinely trusts me. Another may have nowhere else to go. Goodwill requires compassion for their needs, but it also requires honesty about my capacity.
This has changed the way I understand boundaries. I used to think saying no was primarily about protecting myself. Now I see that sometimes it protects the relationship too. When I continually give beyond my capacity, resentment can eventually replace generosity. I may even become irritated when someone asks for help. A clear boundary, spoken early, may actually preserve goodwill better than an exhausted yes followed by a resentful heart.
The more I think about the man’s story, the more I am reminded that helpers also need help, but who helps the helper? It’s high time givers also learned how to receive. That may be one of the hardest lessons for people who are used to giving. I have learnt the hard way that if everyone knows me as the person who can help, I may become uncomfortable admitting that I need help too. However, refusing to receive can create an unhealthy illusion of strength.
So I am beginning to redefine what it means to be a good person. It does not mean being available to everyone at every moment. It means being willing to contribute without abandoning wisdom. It means knowing when to give, when to teach, when to step back, and when to ask for help.
I believe the real test of goodwill is not whether I can always say yes. It is whether I can say yes sincerely and say no honestly. And I hope to help build communities where the burden of goodness is shared, where those who give are also cared for, where asking for help is not shameful and where no one’s kindness becomes an endless obligation.
Ready to turn goodwill into action?
Tap on the link https://teamdailygrace.com/projects to partner with us and support Daily Grace community projects.
©️ No Copyright infringement intended.
PS: Kindly Follow our WhatsApp Channel for more engaging content.
Leave a Reply