Are Your Motives in the Right Place?

Some people have spent years in service, leadership, and showing up for everyone. On the surface, their actions seemed noble, but deep down, they were solely for validation. 

They needed to be seen as the good ones, the selfless servants, the irreplaceable leaders. But, it wasn’t until they hit burnout; exhausted, bitter, and secretly resentful that they realized they weren’t serving purely out of love. They were rather chasing affirmation.

Checking our motives is one of the hardest things to do because it requires absolute sincerity. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re helping out of kindness, staying in a relationship because we care, or working late because we’re dedicated. But sometimes, beneath the surface, our actions are driven by fear, pride, competition, or the need to prove something. 

The real challenge is pausing to ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. If no one saw or praised your effort, would you still do it? If you got no reward, no recognition, and no applause, would your heart still be in it?

Aligning the right actions with the right intentions is where true integrity begins. It’s one thing to give to charity, it’s another to give without needing to broadcast it. It’s great to work hard, but are you working because you love the craft, or because you fear looking like a failure? 

Are you pursuing that friendship because you genuinely care, or because you don’t want to feel alone? These questions don’t always have easy answers, but they serve as a mirror, that reflects what’s hidden beneath our outward behaviours.

The cross-line comes when motives become manipulative or self-destructive. If an action starts to feel forced, fueled by guilt, or driven by an unhealthy need for control, it’s a sign that something is off. 

Like when the desire to help turns into an unspoken expectation for something in return or hard work morphs into an identity crisis and relationships shift from mutual respect to an unconscious transaction. 

The best way to keep motives pure is to check in regularly with yourself: Is your heart at peace with this decision? Would it be okay if you never got anything in return? Would you still love her if her body got deformed? Would you still love him and help him rebuild if he went bankrupt? 

Self-awareness therefore is key. Sometimes, even when we start with the wrong intentions, choosing to shift our hearts can still lead to good. So when you find your motives misaligned, you don’t have to beat yourself up, you just have to realign.

So, always ask yourself, If no one ever knew, would you still do what you are doing now?

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Have you ever caught yourself doing the right thing for the wrong reason? What was the realization like?

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