Just last Sunday after church, I decided to wait behind in order to partake in the communion service. Truly I must confess that I was very stressed out due to the week’s Herculean task. So, while relaxing in the auditorium, I fell into a trance and I overheard a church worker’s conversation on the phone with her friend.
Initially, all I heard was, “ Oh, gracious me! I can’t pretend anymore. He’s nice, very caring and all that I look for in a man.” Apparently, this young lady had been dating for quite a while. From everything she described, the relationship sounded healthy. There was synergy, mutual respect, good communication, and genuine affection.
Nonetheless, as their dialogue continued, her uncertainty became obvious. Almost every positive thing she mentioned seemed to be followed by a question. These were some of her concerns : “He’s a near-perfect man, but what if there’s someone more compatible? Am I not committing too early? I’m barely 25 and I have to explore, you know right?” I’m afraid I might find someone better than him. She added.
Her friend asked her just two simple questions : Do you have a problem with him? Does he not reciprocate your overtures? After a moment of silence, as if she were mourning a deceased, she replied, “Oh, no!. I just don’t know if he’s the best possible choice yet.
No sooner had she responded than the arms of Morpheus lost his grip on me and my eyes widely opened. I felt a mixture of curiosity and genuine concern. Well, choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions a person can make. I whispered to myself. But, deep within me, I perceived that the issue was not solely about incompatibility. Neither was it conflict nor lack of love. It seemed to be the inability to feel satisfied with a good option because of the possibility of a better one.
The observation I made from this encounter is that most people in our world today struggle to commit, because they have way too many options. It occurred to me that modern culture has transformed how we think about choice.
Previous generations mostly lived within smaller social circles. Their options were quite limited, and their expectations were shaped by local communities and cultural norms. In fact, those days, our ancestors actually used to marry from their own kith and kin. They would sometimes go to their neighbouring villages to find husbands or wives for their kinfolk. Oftentimes, their choices for the people turned out to be the best.
Currently, our world is dramatically different. Just like our brother, Kofi Kinaata said in one of his songs : “Twitter, girls wo ho, Facebook, boys wo ho, Instagram na Snapchat so girls wo ho.” To wit; “there are so many ladies and gentlemen on social media to choose from.” Through the internet alone, we are exposed to thousands of people, lifestyles, and opportunities. Every scroll introduces another comparison, a different success story, or yet another attractive face.
Without any shadow of doubt, what I call the ‘they say syndrome’ is another contributing factor to the lack of commitment in our age. I have always maintained that no matter how careful, honest, good, or faithful you are, trust me, you will still have your fair share of this syndrome. I know colleagues who left their relationships despite how loyal their partners were just because their friends said the would- be wives or husbands were not good enough; better still they didn’t deserve them.
Going forward, I believe strongly that we don’t necessarily have to reject modern freedom or pretend that more options are inherently bad. Awareness can protect us from bad decisions. But, we also need to recover an appreciation for the beauty of intentional commitment. Let’s be willing to accept imperfection while nurturing something meaningful.
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