It was quarter past 8pm when we gathered for our usual night beach discussions after hours of torrential rains in the late afternoon. Upon finishing our group reading and discourse, the conversation shifted to love culture, romantic expectations, marriage and future plans.
Mind you, we were mainly a group of young adults. We had a good laugh as some described their ideal partners, dream lifestyles, and some wild fantasies. Then, out of the blue, Lovina, a drop-dead gorgeous young lady, raised the issue that transpired recently at Kwadwo Sheldon Studios, where one of the ladies said she wouldn’t date a man who doesn’t own a car.
Lovina made it emphatically clear that she didn’t see anything wrong with what the lady said. To her, comfort is non- negotiable. She said, “I can’t be friends with someone who cannot take care of me let alone date him.” Guess what? Anne, another ravishingly beautiful lady in her early 20s, seconded that love should automatically eliminate stress and struggle. ” I’m in my prime and I can’t afford to waste my youthful years on someone who can’t meet my standard of living,” said Anne.
The conversation progressed deeply into the night with other young men expressing their concerns and their unrealistic expectations of the ladies as well. As I listened, Briffault’s law came to mind. Briffault said the female, not the male, determines the terms of the relationship and any association between the man and woman will only occur if the woman derives some benefits from the association.
I observed, with keen interest that during the conversation, very few people talked about character, emotional maturity, shared values, resilience, or partnership. The conversation revolved around comfort; in lifestyle, finances, appearances, experiences, name it. I kept asking myself what happened to mindset, empathy, willingness to grow, the ability to remain committed during difficult seasons?
What remained unsaid was overwhelming. Come to think of it, almost nobody talked about what they hoped to contribute. The focus was mostly on what they hoped to receive.
The truth of the matter is that life is difficult and economic pressures are real. Many people are exhausted from carrying responsibilities alone. Who would not want a soft life? There is no glory in unnecessary suffering. If given the choice we would all choose ease. So the growing popularity of soft life culture is not entirely negative. It showed up as a response to genuine hardship.
From time immemorial, many were taught to tolerate exhaustion as proof of commitment. People endured unhealthy sacrifices and relentless pressure. It is only fair to admit that most people are looking for escape routes. Rest, emotional support, provision, among others are all equally important deep human desires that should be gratified.
However, my candid analysis is this: relationships were not designed to eliminate all discomfort but to help people navigate life together. Back in the days, we saw how our parents supported each other, sacrificed, took calculated risks and stood with each other through thick and thin. Today, it appears that many people are seeking comfort without considering the qualities required to sustain healthy relationships.
It is high time we reconsidered what we believe relationships are ultimately for. Are they vehicles for comfort or they are spaces where two imperfect people help each other? I believe both could be the answer. Of course, yes, people deserve love, support, and provision where possible. On the other hand, they also need realistic expectations. Comfort is a beautiful gift, but character remains the strongest foundation.
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