For years, everyone in Sofokrom admired Mr. John Doe because of how much he gave. Whenever someone lost a job, needed school fees, struggled to pay rent, or faced an unexpected emergency, he was the first port of call. He was always there to offer a helping hand. Some of us referred to him as ‘The Apostle of Kindness’ whereas most of the indigenes called him ‘Mr. Money’.
Over time, however, I began to notice something that most people hardly paid attention to. I realised that the people he helped rarely disagreed with him. They were always at his beck and call. They laughed at jokes that were not funny, defended him even when he was obviously wrong, and attended every event he organised because they feared disappointing him. When conversations turned against him, silence filled the room.
Not too long ago, we were having a pep talk to boost our morale for our upcoming program, and one of my pals said, “In this life, whoever feeds you controls you. Take for example, during the good old days, how John Doe used to treat people in the vicinity because of the help he offered to most of them.” He referenced how people who were old enough to be his parents were doing ‘yes- sir- master’ because of the little bread they’d get.
As I sat with these thoughts, I began to notice how dependence quietly changes relationships. I analysed that most helpers initially say there are no strings attached, but eventually, the receivers are stringed along. Some offers carry invisible conditions that are never spoken loud. The receivers, on the other hand, ask fewer questions, express less opinions, and are unable to make independent decisions because they are afraid of losing the relationships rather than losing their voices.
I had always imagined control looked like shouting, threats, or violence until I discovered that control sometimes comes disguised as generosity wearing a warm smile. When I found this, I asked myself whether I had ever expected others to think like me simply because I had supported them. How long have we mistaken gratitude for loyalty? How many times have we felt disappointed when people we helped chose different paths from what we preferred?
Well, looking from the other side, I remembered days when I hesitated to speak honestly because of a favour I once received from someone. Think of how; families sometimes use financial support to dictate every major life decision, politicians distribute gifts to purchase loyalty instead of serving citizens. How about some religious leaders demanding unquestioning obedience from vulnerable followers who depend on them emotionally or materially?
My faith reminds me that God never rescues people merely to make them permanently dependent on others. Throughout the Scriptures, His provision restores people to purpose, responsibility, and freedom. His grace lifts people without humiliating them. I believe that human dignity is never protected by meeting needs alone. People deserve opportunities that strengthen their ability to stand, decide, contribute, disagree respectfully, and grow. Love empowers people to walk, not merely to remain carried forever.
This, ladies and gentlemen, has become my challenge. If I have the privilege of helping someone, I would like my kindness to increase their independence rather than deepen their dependence. I want my generosity to restore confidence instead of creating fear. I’d like people to leave my presence standing taller, not feeling smaller.
Likewise, if I find myself depending on others at a point in time, I would like to receive help with gratitude while continuing to build the capacity to stand on my own feet. Accepting help, on the flip side, should never mean surrendering my conscience, identity, or my voice.
The true measure of compassion is not how many people depend on us, but how many people become stronger because we walk beside them. Human dignity flourishes wherever help restores freedom, empowers responsibility, and reminds every person that they are more than their circumstances.
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