Yasmine had just been promoted at work after years of consistency. Friends congratulated her, colleagues admired her dedication, and her family celebrated what they believed was a well – deserved achievement.
How things unfolded after this feat? She kept refreshing one particular chat. One highly esteemed person’s message never came. My friend Yasmine was still expectant. Hours passed, and days turned into months, yet Snr. Virtue’s felicitation text didn’t pop up in her notifications. For about 3 months, her excitement disappeared. Nothing about her promotion had changed, but somehow its value had.
When we had a deep conversation, she expressed her disappointment in Snr. Virtue. She made mention of how she had been there for this man during his lowest and darkest moments only for him to treat her this way. I realised that she was not grieving the absence of a message but the absence of validation.
I began to wonder how most of us often measure ourselves through other people’s eyes. We say we are confident, but our mood rises and falls with compliments, invitations, likes, promotions, replies, acknowledgements, and applause. We mostly tell ourselves we know our worth, yet sometimes one ignored message, rejection, criticism, or one person’s nonchalance is enough to make us question everything we thought we believed about ourselves.
This habit often begins long before adulthood. Some children receive affection only when they perform well. Others are praised only when they meet impossible expectations. Some grow up constantly compared with siblings, classmates, or neighbours.
This high craving for validation is what makes some people remain in unhealthy relationships because to them leaving would feel like personal failure. It causes others to sacrifice their convictions to gain acceptance at work. Some spend beyond their means to maintain an image. Others become exhausted trying to please everyone.
Well, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be appreciated. Psychology says every human being desires a sense of importance. They want to feel accepted, respected, and honoured. The danger, however, begins when appreciation becomes permission to value ourselves. That is where people silence their voices to avoid rejection. Others remain invisible to avoid criticism. Some begin to imitate others instead of discovering themselves. And, little by little, dignity is exchanged for acceptance.
Spiritually, I find hope in remembering that my worth was never designed to be determined by public opinion. Long before anyone praised or criticised me, I already possessed value because I was created in the image of God. He said I am beautifully and wonderfully made. That truth does not eliminate disappointment, but it protects me from making human approval the judge of my identity.
I have learned by experience that one of the ways of valuing your worth is mastering the courage to be disliked. By doing so, you become a non- conformist. This helps you to be yourself. You become difficult to manipulate with flatteries and slower to wound with destructive criticism.
When you can stand before both applause and silence without forgetting who you are, you have discovered true dignity.
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