Deeply Attached

(What is Obsession)

When we care about something deeply, it is expected that we give it our attention, time and energy. Yet, sometimes, it becomes so deep that it starts to take pieces of us we never agreed to give.

You constantly check your phone when there hasn’t been a reply. You tell yourself you are only curious. Ten minutes later, you have checked their last seen, their status, their Instagram story, and perhaps even noticed who liked their latest picture. You return to your work, but your mind keeps wandering back.

Or perhaps it is not a person. I mean, it could be anything. And because the thing matters to you, it is difficult to notice when caring has quietly become consuming.

We often imagine an obsessed person as someone behaving dramatically, like someone stalking an ex, spending recklessly, or behaving irrationally. But many obsessions are much quieter. They can look like ambition, responsibility, love, discipline, loyalty or even self-improvement.

Human beings naturally attach importance to things that give us pleasure, security, identity, belonging or hope. When something becomes emotionally significant, our attention naturally follows. That is not a problem. In fact, it is part of how commitment works.

The trouble begins when the thing we care about starts demanding more attention than it deserves. Meaning, you are no longer simply choosing to give something your attention; your attention has begun to feel captured by it.

Healthy interest usually leaves room for the rest of your life. You can pursue something intensely and still sleep, maintain relationships, adapt when circumstances change and pay attention to other responsibilities.

On the other hand, unhealthy preoccupation gradually shrinks your world. Your conversations begin revolving around one subject. Your mood becomes dependent on one outcome. Your sense of worth starts rising and falling according to one person’s attention, one number on a scale, one social media response, one achievement or one unresolved situation.

You may still be functioning; you are going to work, attending church, posting pictures, and talking to friends. From outside, everything appears normal. But internally, one thing has become disproportionately powerful.

It is important to note that a life without passion would not necessarily be a healthier life. We need things that matter enough to pursue, protect and sacrifice for. The difference is not simply how much you care, but whether you still have a choice in how much of yourself you give. 

Passion says, “This matters deeply to me.” Obsession slowly says, “Everything else must make room for this.” And perhaps that is the point at which we should become concerned not when something matters greatly, but when it begins to matter so much that we can no longer tell where our commitment ends and our freedom begins.

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