Sometimes, the person who looks most responsible is the one quietly falling apart. From the outside, nothing appears terribly wrong with them. Yet, functioning is not the same as flourishing. A person can get through every day while gradually losing the health, peace, and strength required to actually live it.
I couldn’t hide my tears when Margaret told me about one of the saddest days of her life. She had been exhausted for some time, working two jobs because her mother’s dialysis was consuming almost everything she earned. Her second job paid her according to the hours she worked, so missing a day meant losing money she desperately needed for the following week’s treatment.
On that particular day, she knew she was emotionally, psychologically and physically unwell. Everything in her was telling her to stay home. But another voice reminded her of the bills, the treatment and the consequences of not working. So she went. She looked well enough to work. Until suddenly, she wasn’t. She passed out and woke up in a hospital bed.
I was tempted to almost scold her for not paying attention to the signals, but honestly, Margaret had not been careless. In fact, she was trying to be responsible. She was working because someone she loved needed care. Her exhaustion was connected to love, economic pressure and a system in which stopping can feel like an unaffordable luxury.
That is what makes conversations about wellbeing complicated. Sometimes people are not choosing between good and bad options. They are choosing between two difficult realities, and one of them feels more urgent than the other.
Unfortunately, we often celebrate the ability to endure without asking what endurance is costing us. I have come to realise that psychological wellbeing is not measured simply by whether you can continue performing your duties. There are many people laughing with friends while carrying grief.
Nobody sees the thoughts that kept you awake at 2 a.m. They see the report submitted at 8 a.m. Nobody sees the emotional exhaustion behind the smile. They see someone who is handling things. Nobody sees the fear behind the constant busyness. They simply see someone who is dependable. And because our culture often admires people who can withstand pressure, we can accidentally teach ourselves that needing rest is weakness and asking for help is failure.
But the body and mind eventually collect their debts. Sometimes the debt appears as chronic exhaustion. Sometimes it becomes irritability, withdrawal, poor concentration, anxiety, emotional numbness or a loss of interest in things that once brought joy. Sometimes the warning is physical. And sometimes, as Margaret’s story painfully demonstrates, the body decides that the mind kept postponing.
This does not mean that every difficult season can simply be solved by taking a day off. Margaret could not wish away her mother’s medical bills. There are economic and social realities that constrain the choices people can make. That is why protecting wellbeing cannot be reduced to individual discipline alone.
Still, there are choices within our reach. Do not wait until something breaks before you recognise its value. Learn to treat your health as wealth while you still possess it. Pay attention to the quiet signals, and remember, surviving a life is not the same as living one.
Be productive, but not at the expense of becoming psychologically absent from your own life. Be responsible without becoming consumed. Work hard without making exhaustion your identity. And when circumstances genuinely leave you with difficult choices, remember that your health is not an inconvenience standing between you and your responsibilities. It is one of the resources that makes those responsibilities possible.
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